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Just checking in. Busy, busy, busy. Nothing posted for over six weeks now and nobody seems to have noticed...

Marilyn Monroe spotted at church

Our church building is almost 100 years old. But obviously the most fascinating thing about this wonderful old building is the floor vents. Imagine the joy of standing in church singing a hymn with the congregation, and looking over to find Marilyn Jr. bending over at the waist with her dress hiked up over her head and the air from the vent blowing up her pull up. Of course, by the time I got the camera out, she had moved to a more modest pose.

I hope we get to come back next week...

Random song lyric of the day

I've been trying to help my brother through some tough times for quite some time now. Unfortunately, he will never read this blog because he doesn't know what a blog is, how to use a computer, etc. A long time ago, he stepped off the merry go round while the world kept spinning on without him. Most people don't understand him, and I don't pretend to understand him all the time either, which is a true challenge when dealing with a troubled mind. But he always has been, and always will be, my brother. And I will be there to do whatever I can to help him for as long as I can.

With all due respect to him, this little known song hints at how someone like him could slip through the cracks, willingly or not, and how others can't, or won't, understand that the reason or cause runs much deeper than appears.

Every time I'm on the street
People laugh and point at me
They talk about my length of hair
And the out of date clothes I wear

They say I look like the living dead
They say I can't have much in my head
They say my songs are much too slow
But they don't know the things I know

I know I don't belong
And there's nothing I can do
I was born too late
And I'll never be like you

In my life things never change
To everybody I seem strange
But in my world now something's died
So I just stare with these insane eyes

I know I don't belong
And there's nothing I can do
I was born too late
And I'll never be like you

Born Too Late - Saint Vitus (1986)

Not so random song lyric of the day

Lyrics only my beautiful wife will remember and relate to from back when we first met. Happy Birthday Honey!

I could be your lover
Chained under the water
Under the water

I could be standing on a ladder
To make it easier
To make it easier

I could be your lover
Chained under the water
Under the water

I could be swimming out to save you
No one ever saves you
To make it easier

Merril Bainbridge-Under The Water (1996 US release)

Okay, so it's actually a song about a lover who drowns. But the lyrics were really goofy, as is the song, and they played it constantly on the radio where we worked when we first met. So every time it came on, we giggled at each other as we still do every time it comes up on the iPod or the rare times it still pops up on the radio. You should check it out if you've never heard it. The lyrics will make you go "Huh?!" Why is someone chained under the water? And will standing on a ladder really make it easier?

Are you Sirius?!

So our new car came equipped with factory-installed Sirius satellite radio. I love it so much, I decided to install it in our other car. The problem is that our other car is four years old, so it didn't come with it factory-installed. And it's a Volkswagen. A Beetle. But I figured what the hell. The car has been long-since paid for, so it doesn't matter if I destroy it. And I've lost some weight recently, so I figure I have a better chance at actually getting this done without getting pinned in the vehicle and having the fire department come out to extract me with the jaws of life.

So I gathered up all of the tools I would need to do the job: Satellite receiver. Check. Power cords. Check. Antenna with 100' of cable attached to it. Check. Mounting hardware. Check. Screwdriver (Torx of course since it's a VW.) Check. Shoe horn. Check. Five gallon bucket of Vaseline. Check. Yoga mat. Check. Loose pants for easily exposing butt crack to neighbors. Check. Short temper. Check. Instructions. HaHaHaHa...right...whatever...

Back in the day, I was a pro at car stereo installation. I was always putting in new cassette decks, speakers (The New Jensen Coaxial!) and big 'ole metal mast antennae. But cars have changed in the last 25 years...So imagine my joy when the Sirius antenna needs to be mounted over the hatchback in the rear of the vehicle, and I get to run the antenna wire all the way from hatchback to radio in dash. I discovered that body panels actually fit pretty tight in these cars. Carpet does not like to be moved. And the Germans are pretty good at designing cars with very little room for extra anything under the dash, not even an extra wire or two. If I ever have a water landing, this damn thing better float because it's pretty damn air tight all around.

But believe it or not, I actually managed to get the darn thing installed without anyone losing a limb or the car being driven over a cliff. It looks like a professional install job, and it sure sounds good. If you don't have satellite radio, I strongly suggest you check it out. Especially if you're like me, and you have a favorite decade or two, and you hate commercials. Now I can drive down the road in my VW listening to the 70's channel and flash back whenever I want. Now where did I put my bell bottoms..?

Random song lyric of the day

80's flashback time courtesy of Sammy Hagar. Believe it or not, I have seen this movie dozens and dozens of times, but have never sat down to watch it from start to finish in one sitting.

I got this strange fascination
For this chick down the hall
Reliable information, yeah
Says she ain't givin' up the ball
But Saturday night, I'll be checkin' it out
From the back of my van...
Fast times at Ridgemont High
Havin' a ball
Fast times at Ridgemont High
Writing on the wall

Sammy Hagar - Fast Times At Ridgemont High
From the soundtrack to the 1982 movie of the same name.
Sean Penn, Nicolas Cage, Forest Whitaker, Phoebe Cates, your favorite martian Ray Walston...You know you want to add it to your Netflix que...

Random song lyric of the day

It's Labor Day weekend, so here are some retro 80's lyrics to get the party started. Who remembers this gem of a one hit wonder from 1982?

Let's have a knock down, drag out rock 'n' roll party in the streets
Get all the boys together, have 'em tell everybody that they meet
Friday night at midnight, we're all gonna get what we need
Let's have a knock down, drag out rock 'n' roll party in the streets

Axe - Rock 'n' Roll Party In The Streets

Lurch Alert!!

You ever notice how some people drive like idiots? If you haven't, then apparently you don't drive...at all... We've all seen the idiots with the "me first" attitude that have to be at the front of the line, have to get ahead of everyone before the two lanes merge into one, and have to cut in front of you just to slam on their brakes and turn right in front of you.

But did you ever notice those people (probably the same drivers mentioned above) that actually WALK like some people drive? I affectionately refer to these people as "Lurches." Every time I see someone using their bipedal conveyance to commit a social faux pas (walking like an idiot), I can't help but yell out "Lurch alert!" And just like idiot drivers, idiot walkers come in all forms as noted here today:

1) The "Gotta Take a Shit" Lurch

This is the person who passes you up, walking 90 miles an hour, weaving in and out of people. He's obviously in a major hurry to take care of some business. There can be no other rational explanation other than he must really have to poop! There could be no other reason for someone to be walking so damn fast, cutting people off on the sidewalk, and generally making a spectacle of himself. Don't get in this guys way or he will knock you over...and possibly poop on you.

2) The "Important" Lurch

This guy is way more important than you. He has to get there before you. He has to be first. He has to show that he is better at walking than you, therefore, he will make every unreasonable attempt to cut you off. He will lurch in front of you at the cash register. He will lurch in front of you at the ticket counter. He will take every opportunity to show you how his superiority gains him the upper hand every time. He's real good at showing how ridiculously stupid he is, and he does that much better than you because he's so important. He can usually be found doing something else to draw attention to how important he is like having a bluetooth hanging on his ear, wearing sunglasses inside or hanging his sunglass onto the back of his shirt collar (strange.)

3) The "Rude" Lurch

This moron is real good at cutting in front of you so he can be the first one to the door. Just when you think he did this to be chivalrous, and you think he's going to open the door for you, he hurriedly runs inside, causing the door to close right in your face. Once inside, the rude lurch often becomes one and the same with the important lurch or the gotta take a shit lurch. Be sure to thank the rude lurch for closing the door in your face by finding him in the store and yelling "Thanks Lurch!"

4) The "Soda Fountain" Lurch

So you go to the fast food restaurant that has self serve drinks so you can load up on refills, right? You get your super tanker-sized receptacle, and you're ready to load it up with caffeine and sugar (or worse, you plan on getting 512 ounces of DIET soda...) Just when you are about to hit the sacred beverage dispenser, the soda fountain lurch steps right in front of you. You see, that's his plan. The soda fountain lurch hangs around the beverage dispenser and then cuts in front of you at the last minute. He then proceeds to be extremely indecisive as to what beverage he wants. He was in a huge hurry to get in front of you, but now the drink dispenser is all his for the remainder of the day. He will try a little of this, taste it, pour it out, and then try a little of that. He will own the beverage dispenser until the restaurant starts mopping the floor and putting the chairs up on the tables. Be forewarned that they learn this at a very early age, so the soda fountain lurch comes in all sizes.

5) The "Elevator" Lurch

Oh, goodie! The elevator is here! The magical moving room that takes us from one dimension to another! But wait...Who is that standing directly in front of the door so that he can be the first one onto the elevator?! Why it's the elevator lurch! He has to be first, so he will stand with his nose approximately one inch from the crack between the elevator doors. When the elevator doors open, he will proceed to run onto the elevator, effectively stopping anyone from getting off the damn thing. Once the elevator lurch rudely pushes his way onto the elevator, then others may get off. Then, if you're lucky, and the elevator lurch has saved you any space, you can get on. And of course, since he was the first one on, and he is in the back of the elevator behind everyone else, he will only be going up or down one floor. Which means he will be the first one off. So he will have to lurch his way through everyone else on the elevator in order to get off. You can prevent this by locking arms and forcing him to ride on with the rest of you.

6) The "Natural" Lurch

This poor guy can't help it. He was built differently from the rest of us, so he naturally has a large stride. This poor bastard is cursed to be lumped in with the other lurches simply because he has extremely long legs. The natural lurch can often be found with a partner who is his complete opposite in that they will most likely be vertically challenged. While he is taking his naturally long 4' and 5' strides, his short partner is so busy trying to keep up, there is smoke rising from their crotch due to their thighs rubbing together at such a fast pace. Watch out for the crotch fire!

7) The "Eclipse" Lurch

Probably the most hated lurch of them all. Especially hated by parents, because eclipse lurches learn young and it becomes a family affair. This is the group of people who park themselves in front of you and blot out the sun. They love to visit museums, amusement parks, movie theaters, concerts, parties, aquariums, retail stores, etc. They will generally find the area that interests you the most, and just when you are walking up to get a good look, the entire family will roll in front of you and park it. Forget it. Game over. Just move on because they aren't going anywhere. Wanna see the sharks in the tank? Forget it. Want to see the puppet show? Nope. Wanna see the concert or movie? Denied. Wanna watch the monkeys? No. You have been lurched.

So watch where you're walking this Labor Day weekend. You might find yourself getting unexpectedly lurched. If it happens to you, remember this blog and just laugh. Because lurches are people too. Rude, annoying, self-centered, clueless people, but people nonetheless.

Bless their hearts...

Double Live Awesomeness!

For those of you who tune in to read cute stories about our family life, I have to apologize. You may have noticed that I am a huge music fan, and my blog posts will be peppered with musical references. Having had the fortune to grow up in the 70's and 80's, most of these posts will contain references to classic rock from those decades. So if this doesn't interest you, just move along now and no one will get hurt. But if it does, maybe you will find something that will jog your memory and make you smile as you remember how things seemed so much better and simpler in "the good old days."

Take, for example, today's topic: The totally awesome ear-splitting glory of the live album. Not some random live shot taken with a cell phone and put on the internet. Not some sterile digital clip that has been "doctored." Not some cheesy studio recording with dubbed audience sounds. Oh no. We're talking about monster live recordings of incredible songs that blew away the studio versions. We're talking about drum solos, guitar solos, and kick-ass improvisation captured on vinyl in all their snap, crackle, pop goodness. The only way to top the live album was to go one more step and put out the sacred "double live" album. Holy cow, this was a sure-fire formula for success back in the day.

So here we go with my top eleven (just couldn't narrow it down any more) list of best live albums from the 70''s and 80's in alphabetical order:

1) AC/DC - If You Want Blood You've Got It (1978)
Who doesn't remember Bon Scott singing "The Jack" or "Whole Lotta Rosie?"

2) Black Sabbath - Live At Last (1980)
If you were lucky enough to get your hands on this "unofficial" live recording from 1973, all you had to do was crank up the live version of "Wicked World" and hear your friends go "Wow!"

3) Cheap Trick - Live at Budokan (1978)
The album that put them on the map with live versions of "Surrender", "Ain't That a Shame", and "I Want You to Want Me." And you get to listen to thousands of screaming Asian teenagers...

4) Judas Priest - Unleashed in the East (1978)
"Diamonds and Rust" and "Victim of Changes" blow the studio versions out of the water, as did every other song on the album.

5) Kiss - Alive (1975)
The original and still the best of all of the "Alive" albums. The world will never be the same.

6) Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains the Same (1976)
Released when I was only 11 years old (Do the math), this remains my favorite album (and band) of all time. The live version of "No Quarter" is awe-inspiring. "Dazed and Confused" takes up an entire album side at 26:53. The film of the same name was, and still is, a must-see for any fan of real music.

7) Lynyrd Skynyrd - One More From the Road (1976)
Get out your lighters and yell "Freebird!

8) Motorhead - No Sleep 'til Hammersmith (1981)
The loudest band in the world puts out the loudest album in the world and hits #1 on the UK charts.

9) Peter Frampton - Frampton Comes Alive (1976)
The album that propelled Peter Frampton from zero to hero overnight. This album truly shows the power of the sacred double live album in that it made Peter Frampton a household name. The album remains one of the best selling live albums in history.

10) Rush - All the World's a Stage (1976)
Yes, they ARE the priests of the temples of Syrinx. This monster blew out many car stereo speakers back in the day...And these same three guys are still going strong.

11) Ted Nugent - Double Live Gonzo! (1978)
Terrible Ted yanks you, cranks you, and gets you in his "Stranglehold." He shows that he is actually very good at being a musician when he's not hunting his dinner with a bow.

Looks like 1976 was the peak year for the live album. But then, I personally think that good music peaked a long time ago anyway.

Random song lyric of the day

We have been totally jamming to this song all week long. Last night, on the way home from the restaurant, we had to put the CD on repeat so we could listen to it over and over:

Doo Doo Do Doo Doo
Itsy bitsy spider
Doo Doo Do Doo Doo

The itsby bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the itsby bitsy spider went up the spout again

Somebody was doing some major head banging to this song in the car seat, and she had to hear it over and over again. Every time it went off, she would scream "Doo Doo Do Doo Doo!!"

Where's the video camera when you need it?

English lesson

Today's English lesson is brought to you by Kyly Salvato. Many of us have gotten up in age, and we have completely forgotten the lessons we learned at an early age. Therefore, here is a refresher course in the English language for all of us as taught by a professional 23 month old linguist:

"Hane" - The round white thing on a stand that spins around and cools the air.

"Haaaaaannne" - Same as above, but larger and mounted on the ceiling.

"APPuhl" - Anything that is remotely round and/or red.

"Joooooose!" - Anything liquid that you put in a cup. (Sometimes known as "Moo")

"WahWah" - Large four-legged furry garbage disposals that live in the back yard.

"Moooooo" - Any four-legged animal you pass while driving in the car.

"Moo" - See "Joooooose" above.

"Doo-doh" - That stinky thing that you make in your pants.

"Uh oh, Doo-doh!" - Get a firehose and a mop.

"Poo-poh" - See "Doo-doh."

"Po-po" - See "Doo-doh."

Pa-Paaaaaaahhhh! - Grandpa (What did you expect from an Italian?)

"Stuck" - "Excuse me, I seem to have tried to put on my swimsuit, five shirts, and two pairs of pants all at the same time and it has become impossible to move. I recommend you get a pair of scissors and possibly dial 911 to get me out of here."

"No" - This must mean "I love you mommy and daddy" because it is the most frequently used word in a toddler's vocabulary.

"Where's Daddy?" - Hello Mommy, It's really nice to see you.

"Where's Mommy?" - Hello Daddy, It's really nice to see you.

"Shooooes" - This is a game where you try to take things off of your feet as fast as Mommy and Daddy can put them on you. If Mommy and Daddy manage to win, you can still beat them by throwing them off in the car. Be sure to lose the socks as well as Mommy and Daddy love searching for them.

"Buh-Bye!" - Go away now.

Random song lyric of the day

Your president was on TV tonight hogging up all of the networks. This reminded me of a song that was released in 1992 near the end of George H.W. Bush's term, about six months before Hillary and her husband became president. Eighteen years later, the similarities to today are almost surreal. The country was in a recession in 1992, and the outgoing Republican president was defeated by a Democrat who promised to fix everything. Who can't read these lyrics and think the name should be changed to "Ode to the failed stimulus package?" The lyrics are downright scary how closely they relate to today's news with foreclosures, unemployment, and falling markets causing a lot of folks sleepless nights.

Megadeth: Foreclosure of a Dream

Rise so high, yet so far to fall
A plan of dignity and balance for all
Political breakthrough, euphoria's high
More borrowed money, more borrowed time
Backed in a corner, caught up in the race
Means to an end ended in disgrace
Perspective is lost in the spirit of the chase

Foreclosure of a dream
Those visions never seen
Until all is lost,
Personal holocaust
Foreclosure of a dream

Sunday at Sea World

Okay, I gotta admit, we are Sea World junkies. I don't know why, but we seem to spend a lot of time there. Maybe because it's so close by and the season passes are so cheap. Or maybe it's because I'm getting too old to brave Six Flags without the fear that I when I get off of the roller coaster I will leave parts behind. For whatever reason, we figured that the Sunday after school started would be a good day to go since it possibly wouldn't be crowded. Thankfully, we were right as there was hardly anyone there, and we were able to have a lot of fun without worrying about crowds. Even the weather cooperated as the overcast sky kept the sun at bay all day. We even had a little cloudburst as we were leaving. So it was a very good day at Sea World for us.

But we almost didn't make it there in one piece. I have lived in Dallas, Houston, and Austin, and I frequently drive to San Marcos, San Antonio, etc. But yesterday seemed to be National Idiotic Driver Day, and the idiots were having their convention in San Antonio. Not once, not twice, but at least seven times some idiot tried to change from the right lane into my front seat. I didn't notice any strange radioactive disturbance or sunspots yesterday that would have suddenly prevented mirrors from working. Hell, had I know I was going to be invisible yesterday, we could have had a really good time! I can see the Pflugerville Chief of Police doing the interview right now: "We got us a report of a missin' family from Floooogerveele, an' we wuz searchin' everwhar for 'em. They wuz finally found at the Taco Cabana when they got out of that there invisible car they wuz drivin'. We tried to ketch up to 'em but they got back in the car an' we lost 'em in the parkin' lot."

So after we finally braved the traffic and arrived, Kyly ended up having a lot of fun. She got to feed the dolphins, feed the sea lions, and ride her first amusement park ride. She got to go on the log ride with us, and she was having a good old time until we went down the huge drop off. The picture is worth a thousand words. She has the biggest "Oh Shit!" look on her face. Priceless. But she loved it and didn't want to get out of the "boat!" as she kept saying.

Feeding the sea lions and dolphins was an experience. Nothing like handling a tray full of stinking dead fish in the 95 degree heat. Reminds me of the oldest joke in the world:

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?

"Hello ladies!"

Random song lyric of the day

Today's random song lyric is brought to you by The Foo Fighters, formed by former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl, from the song "This is a call":

Fingernails are pretty
Fingernails are good
Seems that all they ever wanted was a marking

Them balloons are pretty
Big and say they should
Ever fall to ground
Call the magic marker

Dave, you are a musical genius, but what the $#@& does that mean?

Random song lyric of the day

With today being Sunday, today's random song lyric comes from one of my all-time favorite bands: Black Sabbath. Before you get in an uproar, it's important to note that the band was formed by four regular working-class guys who originally named the band "Earth." The infamous moniker came about because there was already another band on the scene named "Earth", so the guys had to quickly find another name. A local movie theater was showing the now classic 1963 horror movie "Black Sabbath" starring Boris Karloff and the guys saw the name advertised on the marquee of the theater. Over 40 years later the rest is history and all four members are still going strong. The evil, satanic, devil worshipping persona was actually created by the media, and the band capitalized on it as a promotional gimmick.

So here are some lyrics for your Sabbath Day that you may find surprising from Black Sabbath's song "After Forever" from their second album "Master of Reality":

When you think about death, do you lose your breath
Or do you keep your cool?
Would you like to see the Pope on the end of a rope
Do you think he's a fool?
Well I have seen the truth, yes I've seen the light
And I've changed my ways
And I'll be prepared when you're lonely and scared
At the end of our days

Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say
If they knew you believe in God above?
They should realize before they criticize
That God is the only way to love

Have a great Sunday!

A Saturday off

So having the pleasure of a three day weekend, we decided to spend the first day running errands. Time to take the family truckster to get the oil changed. That's just an oil change. I don't need five filters, eight wiper blades, or my tires rotated. And for God's sake, if I wanted anything "flushed" I would have taken care of that at the house before I left. By the way dude, your stretchy uniform pants that are Civil War issue blue have so much oil on them you can probably just lay down and slide home from work when your shift ends. Just get your friends to give you a good push and you're on your way.

Lunch at Chuy's was a gas. But isn't all good Mexican food a gas? I got to see a picky eater in action, and I don't mean Kyly. When I order something, I just order it and eat it. Sometimes I'll ask them to cut the lettuce on my burger, because come on, lettuce is just solid green water. It serves no purpose and just fill you up quicker. But the couple at the table next to us were creepin' me out man! If I were the waiter, the conversation would have gone something like this: "I'll have a salad with no lettuce or tomato." "Okay, we'll bring you a bowl with an onion in it." Then the guy says he wants chicken fajitas and "Make sure to cook the onions with the chicken so the onions get the chicken juice on them." Seriously? Okay dude, the cook will choke his chicken over your onions until all juiced out. You asked for it.

Before we even left the house to have all of this fun, we found out that our soon-to-be-2-year-old is actually a teenager. What else would explain her two favorite words: "No" and "Mine"? What else would explain her sleeping until almost 11:00 today? And what else would explain her putting on mommy's makeup, or as she called it "soap?" Yeah, she was soaped up from head to toe in a matter of seconds. I'm waiting for the doorbell to ring and some handsome 3 year old to be standing at the door with his Power Wheels Corvette waiting in the driveway and a six pack of something hardcore like cranberry or pomegranate juice hiding in the trunk. Oh come on kid, come back in about 20 years or so...

Welcome to our new and (un)improved blog

Hello and welcome back to Tim and Jen's blog. We had put the blog on hiatus last year due to privacy restrictions surrounding our adoption. Now that we have been successfully adopted (?!), we are unfortunately going to bore you to death *(disclaimer: Not responsible if you do actually die) with daily musings, ramblings, and drudgery based on our fabulously interesting lives (yawn.)

So here's a refresher course for those who haven't been keeping up with us because you've been living under a rock or something. (No offense to those who do actually live under rocks. I've seen some nice ones out there...)

We live in Pflugerville TX (also known as Boogerville, Flooooogerveele, or "where did you say you live?) Contrary to popular belief, Pflugerville is not full of hillbillies. The rednecks have scared them all away. Are residents of Pflugerville really known as Pflugervillians? Weird. We recently finalized the adoption of our lovely daughter, Miss Kyly Ann Salvato, after almost two years of red tape, road blocks, court appearances, and the accumulation of a stack of paperwork taller than our daughter. Kyly is doing great, and the stack of paperwork seems to be adjusting fairly well also. We have three fish and two dogs. The fish are regularly boiled in the summer time and frozen in the winter, but they always seem to come out unscathed. The dogs are free to a good home, so ask and ye shall receive.

Readers of this blog will be subject to a warped sense of humor, random song lyrics of the day, and other odd, strange, mindless, pointless postings. Sorry.

We plan to update this blog daily. But hey, procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow right? We'll see how often it actually gets updated. If you live to read this thing each and every day...you might want to get another hobby to fill your time between postings. Ever play chicken shit bingo? You get these huge bingo cards with numbers on them, and you lay them on the floor. Then you let the chickens walk all over them and they mark the numbers by...never mind...maybe another hobby would be more fun.

Now is your chance to hit the delete button...